There can be a silver lining to this rainstorm if it serves to wake us up to our need for better handling of our personal finances.  For far too long, out of control borrowing, and spending beyond our means has left many of us living not just paycheck to paycheck, but in deficit spending. By this I mean running out of cash before the next pay check and using credit cards or pay day loans to get by.

You can get back on better financial footing and even prosper. As a four person family living on one very average income in one of the more expensive areas of the country we’ve managed to get completely out of debt, put money aside for emergencies and have cash on hand for Christmas.

Less than an hour after typing the above paragraph my teenage daughter called and said “uh, mom? I’m afraid there’s been a little accident.” She was driving my car, swerved to get around a dump truck stopped in the middle of the road and side-swiped a mail box. Not a big accident, but it will cost us a couple of hundred dollars to repair our side view mirror. In the past it would have caused a minor uproar in our budget, especially coming just before the holiday season. Because we’ve been working for a couple of years now to get our money in order, our response was “okay love, as long as no one was hurt, everything will be fine.” We can just write a check for the repairs and get on with our life.

You can do this, too! It is possible. There was a time in our life when the ringing of the phone invariably meant a collector was calling. It is a horrid way to live and one we were determined to change. It is hard. It takes a willingness to live differently. It may subject you to ridicule by friends and family. But, it is worth it. We’ve gained peace of mind, better relationships, reduced stress and financial security.

There are whole websites and books full of money saving tips. You’ve probably seen more than a few. While most all of them can help, there is one thing that you must have to succeed: a change of attitude. Anyone who is willing to give up some things they thought were necessities and is willing to make changes in how money is handled can get debt free and enjoy all the other benefits that come with financial security.

Changing our Attitudes

There are a lot of tips and tricks to handling money, as I said. But the number one secret to successful finances is this: We can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing and expect different results! Attitude change is necessary.  Some of the changes that will help are: getting on a budget, cutting up the credit cards, and resolving to get out and stay out, of debt. But the most important change of all is to make money our tool, not our master. If we don’t plan exactly how each dollar will be spent, the unrelenting ads will make up our minds for us. It is so easy to be lulled into thinking: I need that…. bit of jewelry, new shoes, electronic gizmo just because it has been promoted from everywhere.

One of the steps I found very helpful was a very simple one – toss out all sales catalogs before they even get into the house. We are fed a steady diet of marketing. “Buy me! buy me” shout the slick glossy mailings. We’ve all heard how sneaky advertising is, working on our subconscious to make us think if we buy this or that product we’ll be healthier, sexier, more popular or prosperous. We know we’re being manipulated but we underestimate the impact.

I was in a bead store yesterday when a customer, wearing one of those bracelets of collectible beads from the jewelry store, came up to the counter.  She commented that the beads in the store display were identical to the ones on her bracelet but were 1/4th the price. She paid $25 at the jewelry store for a bead the bead store sold for $6. Her comment? “I only buy the real thing”. Beads are beads, no matter where you buy them, but the designer brand from the jewelry store has been marketed as classy, elegant, sophisticated. The customer was not buying a beautiful bracelet, she was buying self esteem.  Unfortunately self esteem goes down the toilet when the bill collectors are calling because the payments on the credit card are overdue. Fancy label bracelets won’t help much then.

Attitude change is a lot easier if we insulate ourselves from things that don’t support our new life.  Throwing away the mail order catalogs is a good start. Staying out of the mall is an excellent step. Reading books by Crown Financial, Ron Blue or Dave Ramsey is positive, helpful input. Sticking around the people who encourage frivolous purchases or who value a materialist lifestyle will undermine any efforts to control the cash flow. Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, the great motivational speaker, was right when he said “who you are five years from now will be determined by the books you read and the people you associate with” Change the input and you can change your life!

If we make a choice to change our future, stop acting like a victim of circumstance, and take charge of how we spend our money by making deliberate, mature decisions on how to use this tool, we can climb out of the debt hole.

To request a free copy, go back to the facebook  group and post a message on the forum thread “daily planner pages”

Here are samples of the bible study page to match the daily pages:

For Donna Partow’s 90 Day Jumpstart Bible study, here are four versions of her daily planner page. If you came here from the Facebook link, go back there to send me an email and I’ll send you the file of your choice. If you leave a comment here, I may not get back to you in any big hurry ’cause I don’t check in here very often these are 8×11 in size, meant to be printed in landscape orientation.

snow planner

rose planner

Heart Note planner

The hypocrisy of the liberals is amazing. Can you imagine if John McCain supporters went out and marched in protest of his loss? The media would be all over that, gleefully pointing out what sore losers Republicans are, pontificating on the “will of the people.” Well, the people of California expressed their will. There, just as almost every state where it has come to a ballot, the people do not want same sex marriage. When will the gay activists get the message? I’m guessing, never. They will continue to seek to get their own way using liberal judges who are willing to re-write the constitution in their own image.

If democracy is allowed to be subverted to the will of a vocal minority, freedom and liberty are at serious risk in this country.

This test is designed to give you a general idea of where you fall on the personality grid. See this article for a brief description of the four personalities and how they are arranged on a grid. Use the information as a starting point to appreciate your strengths and recognize your weaknesses.

You’ll need a piece of lined paper, down the left side write the 4 letters a, b, c, and d, in order, 13 times and number the sets, 1 – 13. From each set of four words or phrases below choose the one that best describes you and write a 4 next to that letter on your paper. Choose the word that is the second best match for you and write a 3 next to that letter on your paper. Now choose the word that is least like you, give that letter a score of 1 on your paper. The remaining letter gets a 2. Do this for all 13 sets of words. Directions for scoring are at the end.

1.

• a-party
• b-lead
• c-organize
• d-relax

2.

• a-make work into fun
• b-tell others what to do
• c-do it myself
• d-help others

3.

• a-fuschia/pink
• b-red
• c-black and white
• d-beige

4.

• a-bubbly
• b-controlled
• c-sensible
• d-calm

5.

• a-let’s go
• b-let’s do
• c-let’s think about this first
• d-let’s wait

6.

• a-laugh
• b-change
• c-research
• d-empathize

7.

• a-actress
• b-director
• c-stage manager
• d-chorus

8.

• a-optimistic
• b-decisive
• c-details
• d-consistent

9.

• a-expressive
• b-collected
• c-private
• d-gentle

10.

• a-distractible
• b-bossy
• c-perfectionist
• d-lazy

11.

• a-creative
• b-projects
• c-planner
• d-serve

12.

• a-selfish
• b-tactless
• c-unemotional
• d-stubborn

13.

• a-see the people
• b-see the big picture
• c-see the details
• d-see the needs

Don’t worry if you weren’t able to choose one word over another easily. Most of us are blends of two personalities and are able to operate in the behaviors of three types. There will be one type that is most definitely NOT you. Usually your dominate type is the one opposite the one you are definitely not. Once again, see this post with the personalities laid out in a grid to see what I mean about opposite personalities. To score your test add up all of the numbers next to your A entries, all the numbers next to the B’s, and so on for C and D as well. You’ll likely have two fairly close scores, one very low, and one somewhere in- between. If your highest score is A, you are predominately a Sanguine. If you score highest as a B you are mostly Choleric. If your highest score is in the C’s you are a Melancholy, and a high D score indicates you are mostly Phlegmatic. One note on Phlegmatics, they are the most flexible of all personalities and will sometimes score very close in all four areas. Either you are fooling yourself about your true strengths and weaknesses or you may be a flexible Phlegmatic. I would suggest you ask a friend to fill the test out for you and find out how others see you.

Now that you know what your basic personality type is, stay tuned as I discuss the various types in detail and suggest strategies for making the most of who you are!

I’ve used a basic 4 type personality model for years because it gives us general understanding of who we are, but allows for infinite variation within our type and the possibility for movement, or growth.

Picture a large plus sign +. The vertical axis is our basic energy level, or “pace” as Charles Boyd calls it in his book Different Children Different Needs. At the bottom are the extremely laid back, casual people, at the top are folks who are driven to move all the time. The horizontal axis represents a continuum of people-focused on the left to task orientated on the right. These two lines form a grid with 4 quadrants. The upper left quadrant is our Sanguines, top right are Cholerics, bottom right are the Melancholy types, and bottom left is for Phlegmatics.

Sanguines, as I’ve mentioned before, are average to high energy output and average to extremely high people persons. They are friendly to everyone, love large gatherings, would rather move than sit, and can be flashy and free thinking. Sanguines have the ability to remain optimistic and gullible, wide-eyed innocents, no matter what life throws at them. The draw toward fun and games can help Sanguines liven up a party, but it can also make them a somewhat less than reliable employee. Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is a classic full Sanguine.

Cholerics share the high side of the energy level with Sanguines but focus their efforts on achieving things. Cholerics are the goal setters, the get-it-done-no-matter-if-it-kills-me people. If Sanguines are the cheerleaders in life, Cholerics are the coaches. They work well alone, but they know exactly what everyone else needs to do and they’re not afraid to tell them so. Where the Sanguines organizing parties, Cholerics organize projects. Pooh’s friend Rabbit is 100% Choleric.

All teams need a manager and a Melancholy is perfect for the job. Found on the lower right side of our grid, Melancholies are great at attending to details. They’ll keep the stats, organize the locker room, solve the logistics and rarely get distracted from their task. Melancholies think everything through carefully. They spend so much time thinking and analyzing, all of life seems like serious work to them. Fun is a foreign concept. Of all the folks in the Hundred Acre Woods, Eyeore is the full Melancholy type.

Sharing this tendency for quiet introspection are the Phlegmatics at the lower left of our model. Here are our team players. Flexible, easy going and agreeable, Phlegmatics have the unique ability to operate in any of the other three quadrants, even stretching to the opposite corner to lead like a Choleric if the need arises. They will rarely start an argument and are the first to mediate other’s conflicts. With their slower pace, Phlegmatics can be counted on to be calm in almost any situation sometimes to the point of inertia. With his charming personality and gentle manner, Pooh Bear is a great example of a Phlegmatic.

If you were to plot their places on the grid, Pooh and his friends would sit at the extreme outer corners of their respective quadrants. People are not so easily or obviously pegged. You might identify with Tigger’s cheerleader like friendliness, but prefer Pooh’s slower pace, putting you closer to the border between Sanguine and Phlegmatic. Both Melancholies and Phlegmatics love to help people, Melancholies by devising systems to better people’s lives, Phlegmatics by listening and serving. If you like to help people but from a distance, you might be a blend of Phlegmatic and Melancholy. Full Cholerics can be tactless and bossy, but a Choleric blended with Melancholy tendencies softens that dictatorial stance. Hopefully, our objective is to move toward the center of the grid. Still unique in our own way but overcoming our weaknesses and growing in our understanding of others.

If you’d like to take a quick quiz to help you determine which type you are, click here.

What if this simple collection of the letters a,d,& h were really nothing more than a harsh mis-label for what is in fact, a legitimate, God – given personality and learning style? What if the problem lies not with the child, but with the system they are inhabiting? For the sake of the children, can we at least be open to the possibility?

I love this quote from Dr. Paul Steinberg as he comments in an article in the New York Times March 6 ’06: “in essence, attention-deficit disorder is context driven. In many situations of hands-on activities or activities that reward spontaneity, A.D.H.D. is not a disorder. ” he goes on to say, “Essentially, A.D.H.D. is a problem dealing with the menial work of daily life, the tedium involved in many school situations and 9-to-5 jobs.” Exactly! How can it be a clinical disorder if the behaviors are only a problem in certain situations? ADHD is a harmful label for what is sometimes a Sanguine personality type.

Before I explain “sanguine” let’s pause for a brief disclaimer: Before those of you with truly attention deficit children pelt me with rotten tomatoes, I will admit I have had experience with a handful of children who do have control, focus, and impulsiveness problems. They don’t have an “off” switch. However, in the 4 educational settings I have worked in over the past 20 years, I have seen only one child who I could honestly say needed a tremendous amount of help and possibly medication to function. I am not saying some form of ADHD does not exist. I am saying it is way over diagnosed. There, that’s my disclaimer so put the smelly produce away.

Many people are familiar with the idea of personality types. One of the most popular tests is based on the Myers-Briggs model. You might have seen designations like ENFP, or INSJ to describe the various types. This model has 16 different possible combinations. Some people enjoy that much detail. Another model, originally described by the ancient Greek Hippocrates, uses just four basic types, Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic. For the sake of simplicity, we’ll use the Greek model.

The best way to get a handle on these types is to think of a large plus sign +. The horizontal cross bar represents a continuum of people orientated on the left to task orientated on the right. The vertical bar represents general energy level from laid-back people on the bottom to super high energy folks on the top. By answering a series of questions you can plot your place on the grid and pinpoint your general personality type. Most people are a combination of at least two types and don’t necessarily exhibit all the characteristics of their type all the time. There are many, many factors that make up each individual including gifts, talents, interests, environment and motivations. Learning about personalities is only one piece of the puzzle, but it’s a good place to start.

Sanguines fall in the upper left hand quadrant of that grid; normally people orientated and high to extremely high energy. Sanguines are defined as someone who tends to day-dream, get off track easily, act on whims, and be unpredictable, almost manic in behavior. They are also enthusiastic, emotional, curious, flexible, make friends easily, and are full of fun and energy. A world without Sanguines would be dull and boring. They follow a life plan that is all about people. Nowhere in that life plan is there any chapter on sitting still, keeping quiet, and attending to minor details.

Sanguine can exhibit most or all of these characteristics to varying degrees depending on exactly where they fall in the grid. Some are very high energy but not overly social. Others will happily spend hours text messaging friends while sitting quietly on the couch.

Now look at the symptoms of ADHD from the Center for Disease Control: Careless about details, doesn’t stay on one task for long, disorganized, avoids menial tasks, often distracted, fidgets in seat, has trouble playing quietly, impulsive, interrupts. All the negative aspects of a sanguine personality without mentioning the positives. Lets focus on the positive and recognize that this is a God-given, unique and wonderful personality that is a vital part of the whole community of mankind.

Unfortunately public school is not an optimal setting for these kids. The most efficient way to process the largest number of children through a series of grades is one teacher, a couple of dozen desks, 25 – 30 kids, (yes I know, more kids than desks, my point exactly) dry, boring text books and 6 hours in a classroom. The public school model works well for kids that fall on the opposite corner of the grid, the Melancholy personality; lower energy, task orientated, more interested in perfection than people, good at details and filling in the blanks on standardized tests. Neither personality is better than the other, they are just different. And schools are set up for the Melancholy type.

It’s no secret we don’t all think or learn the same way. So why do schools insist on using one method to teach everyone and punish those who don’t fit their mold? It’s not because lecture/textbook/test is the best way to teach everyone, that’s for sure. John Taylor Gatto does a very thorough job uncovering what really goes on behind the scenes in the public school system in his book: “The Underground History of American Education”. You can check out his web site here: http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/

So how do we help our Sanguine kids? Ideally, bring them home and homeschool them. No one knows a child better than his parents. Homeschooling moms can uniquely customize the childs education to take advantage of their strengths and give extra attention to their weak areas without resorting to damaging labels or worse, drugs. If homeschooling is not an option, look for alternative schools, also known as charter schools, that encourage free exploration and group learning activities. In some states charter schools are free, funded by the state department of education but run by private contractors. Be sure to look for one with a good track record and a history of excellent educational results! For others, private school may be an option.

If none of those options work for you, there is an emerging population of “after schoolers”; Parents who can not be at home all day, making the commitment to take their evenings and weekends to work with their children on strategies to support them in the classroom.This might take the form of drilling your 8 year old on her math facts while letting her do jumping jacks, or reading a historical fiction aloud and discussing the who, what, where, when, why, and how of the story together. There is so much you can do to work with your child and build up their strengths and support their weak areas.

This blog is dedicated to helping all of us recognize and appreciate our uniqueness. Be sure to check back next week as I’ll continue to cover topics on personality types, parenting and homeschooling.

After observing some young adults in action and listening to a friend recount their experience with Jr. High age kids, my husband pointed out that much of their rude behavior is a result of simply not being taught any better. They’ve been left to browse the world of ideas and images on their own. Adolescence is a time of discovering who you are as an individual, separate from your family. It is a time of awakening awareness of the world around you and the differences in thought, styles, behaviors, attitudes, and lifestyles. If parents are absent, busy with their own lives, kids are exploring these new areas by themselves, without adult discernment or wisdom. It’s like letting them loose in Victoria’s Secret and expecting them to pick out appropriate outfits for school or church.

I’m not advocating smothering children or so controlling their lives they can’t think for themselves, but they can be provided with an assortment of appropriate clothes to choose from. What is appropriate? That’s where parental worldview comes into play. As a Christian, I use the Bible as my guide. I firmly believe God places children in families because those particular parents have the means to provide what those particular children need to become the people He intended them to become. It is incumbent upon the parent to seek God’s direction for each child and provide the “clothes” best fitting that child.

We were blessed with a child who has a very giving heart. She looks for ways to serve others. In school, that was a problem because she was so busy “helping” the other kids she didn’t focus on her own work so well. As homeschoolers, we were able to channel that gift into volunteering at a nursing home. Not something everyone would like, but this daughter loved going into the activities department and helping the residents. We provided a variety of opportunities over the years for her to explore her gifts and interests in groups like 4H, Civil Air Patrol, horseback riding, music lessons and such. Not all of them worked out, but they are all areas she expressed interest in . She’s learning about herself and how her particular gifts fit in the world. She’s trying on different styles without leaving the protection and guidance of her parents.

Dressing a child is a very individualized process. One size does not fit all. Our son would not be interested at all in helping at the nursing home. He’s much more of a climbing, building, exploring kind of kid. He’s also very sensitive, although he tries manfully to hide it. For him we’ve gotten involved in cub scouting as a family. This gives him plenty of social interaction combined with lots of boy activities, like building pinewood derby cars and doing chemistry experiments. He’s competitive and the opportunity to earn badges appeals tremendously.

It takes work, studying your children and getting to know them, as well as lots of time in prayer to seek God’s leading; but by providing a customized selection of “clothing” for them to choose from, we can help our children develop a solid foundation on which to grow.